It's so much easier to be positive in the daytime. When the sun is up, you can distract yourself with Things To Do, and potter around, getting a sense of achievement from little things like putting clean clothes away, pulling up a few weeds, or washing the dishes. At night, you are trapped, the empty half of the bed beside you snickering derisively as you try to slow your brain down enough to get hold of the reins and think clearly again.
Last night the past couple of days of food poisoning, exhaustion and pain caught up with me. The probing of all the half-healed mental scars, and then the tears, began. I tried to avoid it by turning the light back on and reading until I finished the book, then I stared out the window at the stars until they started to flicker and dive and then I must have fallen asleep.
The moon last night was the faintest little sliver of white, like a fingernail cutting. It hung just above the hills on twilight, and it looked about as worn out as I felt.
I slept through my alarm this morning, so I was late for work, but I got an extra 2 1/2 hours sleep, which I can feel the difference in my mind today. I've tackled the Mt Kosciusko of dishes in my kitchen, as well as making up some white oil and spraying my newly pruned citrus. I've given them some citrus food and a good soaking, so hopefully they will go ahead now. I'm not sure how old the lemon (Meyer) and grapefruit trees are - the lemon is between 50 and 60 years old, and I assume the grapefruit is a similar vintage. The orange tree I planted 2 years ago - it is a valencia, but hasn't had many fruit yet - fingers crossed that with a bit of TLC this year may be the year. The lemon tree has been a martyr to sooty mould for as long as I can remember, but this year I hope to see healthy green leaves instead of black dusty ones.
In the last week I've planted some carrot (Manchester Table) and beetroot (Boltardy) seed, and red odourless onion seedlings in the root crop bed, and in the hothouse, planted some gherkin cucumber and some more chive seed. The basil, and red and white strawberry seed has come up in the hothouse, and the peas and beans are coming up in the garden.